


What Gives You The Right?

by PocketFell



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gratuitous use of italics, Multi, Sybil/Vimes/Vetinari is implied but not explicit, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vetinari causes problems on purpose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:01:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29336463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PocketFell/pseuds/PocketFell
Summary: Just an absolutely normal meeting between a Watch Commander and a Patrician in the Oblong Office, where absolutely nothing is different to normal.Except for Vetinari's new haircut. That's a little different.
Relationships: Havelock Vetinari/Samuel Vimes, Sybil Ramkin/Samuel Vimes
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	What Gives You The Right?

It isn’t right. It certainly isn’t proper. And yet, undeniably, it _is_. And really, what gives Vetinari the _right_? Of course, he’d simply do as he always does and fix Sam with that one expression—the one that said _“As Tyrant of Ankh Morpork I give myself the right,”_ without needing to say it with words. And Vetinari, irritating sod that he is, would be right. 

  
But that still doesn’t give him the right to sit there looking like that. It's been all Sam can look at the whole meeting, and it was greatly interfering with his usual tactic of staring at the wall just over the Patrician's shoulder. 

  
“Is there something else I can help you with, Commander Vimes?”  
And Vimes takes a moment to consider his words, before saying.   
“Yes, Sir, indeed there is. What gives you the _right_?”  
“You’re going to have to be more specific Commander.”

  
And that wasn’t the response Sam had been expecting. It’s thrown off his whole script. The scene is not proceeding as planned, and now he has to put the grievance into words. He struggles for a second, before settling on,   
“Your _hair_ , Sir.”

  
It seems to take Vetinari by surprise, because his hand twitches slightly on his desk, and then Vimes is thinking about those hands styling the Patrician’s hair this morning and there’s a flush of red colouring his cheeks. One that Vetinari pretends not to notice. Clearly, he’s feeling particularly generous today.

  
“Really, Vimes, it’s very simple. There’s been a small delay in my securing a haircut. It wouldn’t do for the Patrician to go around looking unkempt, so I’ve secured it out of the way until such time as I can deal with the issue. _Not_ that I believe any of this is any concern of yours, unless you’re intending to cut it for me.”

  
And doesn’t that give Sam an interesting series of mental images to deal with. He just knows that he’s going to wind up telling Sybil about this when he gets home, and she’s going to tease him mercilessly again about it, because Sybil always does. She's an excellent wife like that. But really, what’s a man supposed to do when the Patrician, Lord Havelock Vetinari, is sitting there with his hair in a Godsdamned ponytail, acting like there’s absolutely nothing out of the ordinary?

  
Sam realises he hasn’t said anything in quite some time, and that he’s having some trouble maintaining his usual technique of not quite looking at the Patrician.   
“If there’s no further parts of my appearance you’d like to judge, Commander, don’t let me detain you.”  
For once, Sam deems it best to listen to the Patrician, and sees himself out.  
Behind his desk, Vetinari sits for a moment, considering. Then, he summons Drumknott, and informs him in no uncertain terms that his barber has been detained for the foreseeable future and won’t be able to make it to their appointments.   
“Just so, Sir.” replies Drumknott, as he slips out of the room to inform the waiting barber of his unfortunate predicament. 

**Author's Note:**

> So this is actually the first time I've written serious fanfiction for an actual fandom. Roughly 8 years ago I wrote a couple of Sherlock crackfics and then stopped writing entirely until recently. I hope this measures up to the Pratchett fandom!


End file.
